Discovering the Abundance of Love Beyond Romance
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Chapter 1: Understanding Love Beyond Romance
How many different sources of love can we identify? When searching for love, which one do you tend to gravitate towards?
In recent years, I primarily sought romantic love. It wasn't that this was the only option available; rather, it was the kind I chose to focus on and hoped to receive. Simple gestures, like a partner bringing me flowers or offering to treat me when I was unwell, made me feel cherished. Conversely, if a distant friend sent me treats on Valentine's Day, I wouldn’t experience the same warmth. Although both actions express care, I valued the love from a potential partner far more than other forms in my life.
I lacked an understanding of the distinction between infatuation and true love, as well as attraction and authentic feelings. This ignorance led me to deprive myself of other kinds of love by fixating on a singular type. I often lamented, "Where's the love?"
However, after a series of realizations, I began to recognize other streams of love that had always surrounded me. The more I acknowledged and expressed gratitude for these, the more love I attracted. Understanding that various forms of love exist is different from being open to receive, appreciate, and nurture them. Just as we water a plant to help it flourish, we must invest in love from family, friends, and ourselves, appreciating these diverse and beautiful expressions.
Section 1.1: Family Love
One well-known Vietnamese poem expresses the essence of familial love:
"Công cha như núi Thái Sơn
Nghĩa mẹ như nước trong nguồn chảy ra"
Translation:
"A father's sacrifice is as immense as Mt. Thai Son,
A mother's love is boundless like a flowing spring."
To me, family love is the purest form of affection. I consider myself fortunate to belong to a loving family. While we do have our disagreements, one undeniable truth remains: we care for each other deeply.
In my Vietnamese upbringing, verbal expressions of love were not customary. It feels awkward to say "I love you" or "I care for you" to family members; such phrases rarely enter our everyday conversations. Instead, we express love through our actions.
My father shows his affection by tirelessly supporting our family. He has worked diligently for over 40 years, rarely taking a day off—his work is a testament to his love.
My mother expresses her love through her nurturing actions. She rises early to shop for groceries, prepares meals, and manages household chores. She selflessly cares for my nieces and nephews, embodying the spirit of countless Vietnamese women who do so without complaint.
My sister demonstrates her love by her resilience. After losing my brother to lung cancer, she has raised her daughter as a single mother while working as a teacher. The emotional toll she has endured is unimaginable, yet she perseveres.
Where else can I find such profound love? Realizing the selfless nature of my family's love fills me with immense gratitude each day.
Subsection 1.1.1: Friendship Love
"I know you're reaching towards anything that you think would offer you some form of comfort. I've been there and still am. Just want to say I don't know the answer to it, but I do know we get by. And one day, it won't be just getting by. It'll be good :)"
These comforting words came from a dear friend following a farewell lunch. I found myself sobbing in the taxi on the way home, attempting to disguise my pain. Although I often convinced myself that I was coping well, my friend saw through my facade, recognizing my sadness.
Initially, I felt vulnerable, exposed, but then a warm light filled me, knowing that she cared enough to notice and reach out. That day was a blend of emotions, but it was also when I felt love after a long time.
I don’t have a large circle of friends; I prefer to keep it small with remarkable individuals. We share deep conversations about life, love, and struggles. Our discussions are candid, shedding light on our vulnerabilities without fear of judgment. We provide perspectives and allow one another to navigate personal growth at our own pace.
By choosing to recognize and appreciate the love from my friends, I’ve invested more time in connecting with them. I now listen attentively, replacing directives like "you should" with supportive phrases such as "I hear you" and "I understand you." My goal is to support their happiness, irrespective of the choices they make.
Section 1.2: Self-Love
For a long time, I sought love externally, often from strangers. It felt like standing in a crowded area, holding a sign that read "Love me!"—a desperate plea. While this may seem disheartening, it was my reality for a significant period.
After numerous disappointments, I began to question whether love could truly be sought after, or if it needed to be cultivated instead. If the latter is true, what should the foundation of that love be?
The answer lies in unconditional self-love. This is a type of love that no one can take away from you and it empowers you. However, achieving self-love is not instantaneous; it’s a journey filled with challenges.
Self-love involves embracing both your good and bad days, forgiving yourself for mistakes, and releasing toxic relationships. It’s about letting go of people who no longer align with your values.
To cultivate this enduring love for yourself, spend time in solitude, reflecting on your thoughts and emotions. Offer them your full attention and strive to understand them. Your heart will respond to this care, and in doing so, you will learn to love and appreciate yourself.
Chapter 2: Embracing Love in Various Forms
Love is plentiful if we choose to recognize its many forms. The more effort and focus we dedicate to these different expressions of love, the stronger they will flourish in our lives.
The first video, Three Kinds of Love You Need for Your Marriage - Dr. David Gudgel, delves into the essential types of love that can enrich a marriage, exploring how they contribute to a fulfilling partnership.
The second video, LOVE EXPERT ON: When A Man TRULY LOVES You, He Will DO THIS! | Stephan Speaks & Jay Shetty, provides insights on recognizing genuine love in relationships, emphasizing the actions that signify true affection.