Embracing Self-Esteem: A Journey from Resentment to Hope
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Chapter 1: A Bitter Truth
Life often presents us with lessons that can be difficult to accept.
Photo by Evgeniy Smersh on Unsplash
I have a friend who lives on the streets, and I provide him with a little financial support each week. Through our unique friendship, he has shared his life story with me. He married young and had two children, but unfortunately, his wife developed a gambling addiction and left him after years of infidelity. This led him into a deep depression, resulting in the loss of custody of his children, alcoholism, and severe mental health issues.
He frequently advises me, “If you don’t want to end up like me, take your self-esteem seriously.” At first, I dismissed his advice, but I soon realized that losing your self-esteem gradually erodes your dignity, ultimately leading to self-destruction. He often reminds me, “We’re just one misfortune away from finding ourselves on the streets.” His words resonate deeply, as life can change drastically in a matter of months.
I want to share the most painful lesson I learned from years of self-hatred to help you protect your self-esteem and avoid the pitfalls I nearly fell into. The harsh reality: losing hope can strip away your self-esteem.
The distinction between truly enjoying life and merely avoiding thoughts of the future is razor-thin. This is a mistake I learned to regret. I lacked direction, believing I had no future and that achieving anything was impossible. My mother, who faced her own struggles, often urged me to “Get a job. Endure whatever comes your way. We, the less fortunate, must tolerate it.” I complied, swallowing countless grievances and humiliations, much like I endured the taunts of my peers in school.
As a result, I had no aspirations beyond fleeting moments of enjoyment. This led to a decline in my dignity and a spiral of self-destructive behavior, which I have elaborated on in previous writings. By the time I was 33, I had hit rock bottom.
Upon reaching that low point, I discovered a deep-seated self-hatred within me. I had absorbed so much negativity that it had become my reality. I felt unattractive, foolish, and inadequate—none of which were true. Yet, our beliefs shape our identities, confining us within self-imposed limits. Ultimately, it is we who tell ourselves, “This is for you,” “This isn’t for you,” “You can do this,” or “You can’t do that.” In essence, we are our own saboteurs.
Grasping this truth at a fundamental level can transform your life. It's not only external circumstances that constrain you; your lack of self-esteem also limits your opportunities. This understanding is why many entrepreneurs invest heavily in therapy. They recognize that if they don’t believe they deserve success, they will never attain it.
Realizing this motivated me to stop squandering time and to start dreaming again. Just as physical fitness requires exercise and a healthy diet, boosting self-esteem comes from seeing progress in your life. I began to set goals, and while some deemed me unrealistic, I remained steadfast in my pursuit. My aspirations began to materialize, and more importantly, these achievements fortified my self-esteem and pulled me out of despair.
The Significance of Certainty
To cultivate self-esteem, you need three elements:
- A clear goal
- A plan to achieve it
- Measurable checkpoints (because what you can’t measure, you can’t manage)
As the saying goes, “The journey matters more than the destination.” This is undeniably true. These checkpoints will foster a sense of achievement, which is what you desire most: to feel good along the way.
Things are not always as they appear. The destination is not the ultimate goal; it’s merely a point along the way. While this may seem counterintuitive, think of a goal as the address in your life’s GPS. What truly matters is staying on course and enjoying the journey.
These small certainties you gain from reaching checkpoints will gradually instill confidence in your ability to achieve your ambitions. Believing that you can succeed is the key to enhancing your self-esteem. These accomplishments contribute to a sense of fulfillment, akin to completing a challenging puzzle or finishing a marathon.
Thus, the more small victories you achieve, the greater your sense of accomplishment will be, which in turn enhances your self-image, boosts your self-esteem, and makes it far less likely for you to fall back into destructive habits.
A Virtual Embrace
AG
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Alberto García ??? - Medium
Chapter 2: The Power of Letting Go
In this chapter, we delve into the transformative practice of releasing resentment and bitterness.
The first video discusses strategies for letting go of negative feelings and embracing a more peaceful mindset.
Chapter 3: Silencing Your Inner Critic
This chapter explores ways to quiet the negative self-talk that undermines happiness.
The second video provides insights on how to overcome your inner critic and find genuine joy in life.