Self-Awareness: Unlocking My True Potential

When I first attempted meditation, I struggled to remain still for even five minutes. A flood of anxieties and insecurities surged to the forefront. In my bewilderment, I unfairly blamed meditation for unearthing these feelings. Yet, in reality, my mind had always harbored these fears; I had simply been too busy to acknowledge them. The quietude brought forth by meditation made me aware of what had long been hidden.

Through this practice, I acquired a vital skill: self-awareness. Psychologists Shelley Duval and Robert Wicklund describe self-awareness as the capacity to reflect on one's actions, thoughts, and emotions, assessing how they align with personal standards. In essence, those who cultivate self-awareness can objectively understand their feelings and actions without the bias of emotional interpretation, which often distorts reality.

Research from the University of Zurich indicates that meditation enhances mindful self-awareness by activating brain areas associated with bodily perception while diminishing activity in regions linked to self-referential thought and rumination. The neural patterns observed in healthier, less depressed individuals affirm that mindful self-awareness is a beneficial approach to self-perception.

This newfound self-awareness helped me recognize my unhealthy addiction to cigarettes. Although I generally maintain a healthy lifestyle—eating well, sleeping sufficiently, and exercising regularly—I had clung to smoking for over 15 years, a leading cause of preventable death in the U.S. Despite numerous attempts to quit, I found it difficult.

Meditation illuminated the underlying reasons for my smoking habit. I realized I often reached for a cigarette in response to stress, particularly work-related pressures. Armed with this insight, I focused on managing my stress more effectively. As I learned to handle stress, my cravings for cigarettes diminished, and now, I have been smoke-free for nearly a year—my most successful attempt yet.

Letting Go: The Power of Kindness and Compassion

Even after years of regular meditation, my mind still tends to wander as soon as I settle onto my cushion. Mind-wandering is a common human experience. Dr. John Yates, a neuroscientist and author, notes that this phenomenon is so deeply ingrained in our daily lives that we often fail to notice it, leading us to mistakenly believe we are in full control of our minds.

Meditation swiftly dismantles this illusion. Initially, I found myself frustrated by my mind's incessant distractions. However, as my practice progressed, I learned to accept that I cannot completely control my thoughts. Contrary to what many believe, there is no singular "you" that governs "your" mind.

I began to appreciate the small victories, such as the moments of clarity when I realized my mind had strayed. By savoring these instances, I created a positive feedback loop that trained my mind to recognize distractions more swiftly in the future.

The insights I gained extended beyond my meditation sessions. I was once the quintessential Type-A personality, striving to control every aspect of my life. Alongside my corporate job, I organized community development initiatives and pursued a storytelling project, all while traveling and blogging.

Ignoring my body’s signals, I relied on excessive coffee, vitamin supplements, and rigorous exercise to keep me energized. I kept pushing myself, driven by the fear that without my constant effort, I would fail. However, beneath all my achievements lay a deep-seated insecurity that I wasn’t enough.

Meditation helped me release this belief. My accomplishments did not define me; I was already whole just as I am. With compassion, I began to listen to my body’s need for rest. Instead of accepting every opportunity, I sought out those that genuinely enriched my life. I loosened my rigid expectations of how life "should" unfold, allowing myself to simply "be." In doing so, I discovered an unprecedented sense of contentment.

Courage to Embrace My Authentic Self

Herein lies the paradox: "Only when I accept myself as I am can I truly change." For years, I grappled with the inner voice that insisted I was not living authentically. In many Asian cultures, it is common to pursue a career that pleases one’s parents first, followed by one’s own aspirations. As a dutiful daughter, I chose a major that garnered parental approval—chemical engineering—before entering the corporate world, where I spent six years.

Yet, my true passion was psychology, driven by my fascination with the human mind and behavior. Coming to terms with the desire to pursue my dream was an uphill battle, primarily due to my own doubts. "It's too late to become a psychologist," I told myself. "Your family will be disappointed if you leave a stable job. Your peers are advancing while you want to start anew?"

Meditation enabled me to recognize that fear was the primary barrier to my dreams. It provided me with the space to observe my thoughts and emotions without succumbing to anxiety.

With deliberate and consistent practice, I learned to differentiate between fear-based thoughts and those that could help me grow. I discovered that when I freed my mind from fear's grasp, I could see new possibilities. My corporate experience was not a hindrance to my passion; rather, it could serve as an asset if framed correctly.

I joined a community mental health organization as the Head of Strategy & Advocacy, dedicating my efforts to improving access to mental health resources. Through this journey toward fulfilling my dreams, I found my true purpose in mental health.

It all started with the simple act of sitting down to meditate. I only wish I had begun this journey earlier.