Chapter 1: The Burden of Sensitivity

"You're far too sensitive," my mother often remarked. While she may have had a point, such remarks left me feeling fundamentally flawed, as if I needed to remedy this unwelcome trait. She never offered guidance on how I should behave or how to conform to the expectations of society. Instead, I was labeled as overly sensitive, gentle, emotional, and delicate.

Her intentions were rooted in concern; she feared that my gentleness would be perceived as a weakness in this unforgiving world. And, to some extent, she was right. I have faced challenges, yet I remain—a fragile flower amidst life's sharp edges (insert sideways smile emoji).

During a time of exclusion in my youth, I discovered Elaine Aron's book, 'The Highly Sensitive Person,' at the age of twenty. It was a revelation, providing me with a sense of belonging and understanding. I was relieved to know that there were others like me, and it was comforting to have a term for my heightened sensitivity.

Later, I encountered the concept of 'Indigo Children,' which fascinated me due to my interest in spirituality. This idea, rooted in New Age beliefs from the 1970s by Nancy Ann Tappe, suggested that individuals born after the late 1960s possessed a unique indigo aura, characterized by empathy, sensitivity, and rebelliousness. While I found some resonance in Lee Carroll and Jan Tober's book 'The Indigo Children,' many assert that these traits can often be attributed to neurodiversity, with some criticizing the term for potentially avoiding legitimate diagnoses of Autism or ADHD.

In my twenties, amidst personal turmoil, I turned to the Myers-Briggs personality assessment. I was astonished to find that I fell into the rarest category—an INFJ. The 16 Personalities website describes INFJs as thoughtful and imaginative individuals guided by deep values and principles.

Once again, emerging evidence suggests that INFP types also exhibit traits of neurodiversity, although I did not make this connection at the time.

As I navigated my mid-twenties, I immersed myself in holistic spiritual practices in an attempt to heal from traumatic experiences. This journey led me to a profound spiritual awakening, where I discovered my capacity to sense energies—a painful yet transformative phase in my life that reshaped my perceptions.

"The wound is where the light enters." ~ Rumi.

In my thirties, the term 'empath' gained popularity, resonating with my experiences, particularly during a difficult relationship with a narcissist. This realization provided clarity and aided my healing process.

At forty, I crossed paths with a remarkable individual who transformed my life. He became my mentor, my friend, and my soul family—intelligent and captivating, I could listen to him endlessly. Identifying as someone with Asperger's, he shared his struggles with neurodiversity, and our mutual understanding blossomed.

One day, he gently inquired whether I had ever considered myself neurodivergent. Caught off guard, I admitted that it had never crossed my mind, as women were often overlooked in autism diagnoses during my upbringing. With his background in Psycho-Social Studies, Neuroscience, and Astrology, he provided insights into our profound connection in a world often marked by confusion and superficiality.

He suggested that I might either be neurodiverse or an extraordinary neurotypical—someone who, by chance, comprehended the language and behaviors typically associated with neurodivergence. While I couldn't overnight redefine my self-perceptions, the seed of this possibility took root in my mind.

My partner prefers to label me as 'gifted,' yet this term doesn't entirely resonate with me. Although my IQ is above average, I lack savant abilities or an eidetic memory. The National Association for Gifted Children outlines traits of giftedness that overlap with neurodivergent characteristics, as illustrated in Katy Higgins Lee's Venn diagram.

However, labels are merely that—labels. They are boxes we create. Why is there such a human inclination to categorize everything? Some might argue it stems from a desire to feel unique in an otherwise ordinary world. I believe we each contribute uniquely to humanity's collective experience.

While I remain undiagnosed, I can't determine if I am neurodivergent, gifted, or simply sensitive. What I do know is that I have identified with various labels throughout my life, which have helped me feel understood—a deep-seated desire of mine.

As time passes and I accept my individuality, I realize that a label could offer validation for my differences. Yet, a more profound voice within reassures me, "You are you. Perfectly imperfect as you are. It doesn't matter if they don't understand you—what matters is that you understand yourself."

All rights reserved © 2024. T Leigh

Chapter 2: The Journey of Understanding

The first video titled "The Psychology of Being 'Too Sensitive'" explores the complexities of sensitivity, offering insights into emotional depth and societal perceptions.

The second video, "Are You Too Sensitive? Should You Change?" by Marwa Azab at TEDxOakland, delves into the nuances of sensitivity, encouraging viewers to embrace their emotional nature.