In recent times, many have adopted business and marketing principles suggesting one should only pursue what feels like an unequivocal "yes." This approach can lead to a phase of irresponsibility, where dismissing complex relationships may initially feel gratifying. However, this black-and-white mindset can ultimately lead to avoidance of deeper issues. The allure of an ideal future can become a powerful distraction, keeping individuals on a relentless pursuit without fulfillment.

If you’re not ready to hear this yet, that’s okay. Save this for later and reflect next year on your friendships and romantic prospects. If you’re still searching for that constant "F*ck Yes" relationship, consider that it might not be the methodology but rather the intricacies of human connections.

Lonely? You might sense something's off.

Often, men sabotage what they desire most in their personal lives. How do I know? They share their struggles in coaching sessions. As a somatic coach, I assist clients in managing the uncomfortable emotions linked to their aspirations. The way you navigate fear and other deep-seated feelings shapes your life significantly.

Feeling good or bad about a situation is often insufficient to make definitive choices. In coaching, I often say:

> He’s not your caretaker. He’s objectively complicating your life. Yes, even if he seems like a "F*ck Yes." Pause, breathe. I can guide you.

Or perhaps it sounds like this:

> Did her disappointment feel unbearable? Does forgetting an important date weigh heavily on you? If staying feels harder than leaving, perhaps you’re experiencing love for the first time. Breathe, hold. I can support you.

Nothing worthwhile feels great all the time. Sometimes, that initial "F*ck Yes" evolves slowly. From my experience, all significant relationships begin with confusion. Two individuals navigating a shared path face many bumps along the way, a reality even my children grasp from their experiences.

Just because you encounter fear and resistance does not mean it’s time to walk away. You likely understand that greater opportunities come with greater fears. Many successful ventures have felt like mistakes at some point. Life is unpredictable, just like human emotions. For instance, my mother’s reaction to her unexpected pregnancy wasn’t a joyful "F*ck Yes." Yet, my existence holds value, and caring for me enriched her life.

If your belief hinges on always feeling good about significant choices, you may miss out on vibrant relationships. You may watch others cultivate dynamic connections while you remain stagnant, retreating whenever discomfort arises.

Interestingly, the more I work with men, the more I notice how self-improvement and business concepts shape their outlook, often more than my female clients. This might stem from fewer therapeutic encounters and intimate friendships, making them more susceptible to external influences. Recently, I was asked about Mark Manson’s popular book, "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck." While I agree with some core ideas—like not being a puppet to societal expectations—his writing can come across as abrasive, which may alienate potential partners.

Furthermore, over-applying his philosophy can lead to a selfish mindset. For instance, Manson states:

> The best sex is "F*ck Yes" sex—both partners enthusiastically engaged. If she's not enthusiastic, it's a "no."

Can you see the unrealistic expectations this places on relationships? What if your partner occasionally hesitates? What if stress affects intimacy? Can a partner simply declare a "F*ck No"? What if love is a journey that evolves instead of a binary choice? Can you admit when you’re feeling uncertain and communicate that?

Sure, if you’re hesitant, you might be labeled a "no." It’s unrealistic to think anyone, including yourself, will have all the right answers at all times. I, too, have experienced the confusion of love, and I often rely on coaching to help navigate these emotions.

I belong to a family and a community where my needs matter, but they aren't the only priority. I often make choices that benefit my loved ones, even when they may not serve my immediate interests. Manson quotes Derek Sivers:

> The Law of F*ck Yes or No implies that for any new relationship, you should feel inspired to say "F*ck Yes" before moving forward.

However, it’s crucial to recognize that sometimes feelings can be more nuanced. You might be a "F*ck Yes" for dating but unsure about the next steps, which is completely valid. Relationships don’t always follow a clear path; they are often messy and complex.

Men frequently find themselves bewildered in romantic contexts. They may withdraw after intense experiences without understanding why. Love can be confusing, particularly after previous heartbreaks. Adult dating is not merely about enjoyment; it involves contemplating how a partner fits into your existing life and family structure. The changes that come with a new relationship can often feel daunting and may be met with resistance.

Much of the "women are like business" rhetoric supports men who feel pressured to maintain a facade of control. Yet, I often assist men who feel vulnerable when they fall in love. Genuine relationships require transparency and emotional investment, which can feel intimidating.

Manson suggests:

> Always know where you stand with the other person.

But does this imply that men are always clear and unconflicted? If you believe that every interaction must be straightforward and uncomplicated, you may find yourself disappointed.

I often seek a partner who is not perfect but rather someone who can navigate the complexities of love without overwhelming me. I, too, have faced the challenges of dating and have needed support in understanding my feelings and relationships.

Everyone experiences awkwardness at the start of a relationship. It’s normal to feel a mix of emotions. If you interpret your withdrawal as a definitive "no," you may miss out on potential growth. Men often retreat from intense feelings, which complicates communication.

Additionally, if you think a woman must always be a "F*ck Yes" in her feelings, you may be overlooking the nuances of human emotions. A woman may take her time to assess compatibility, which doesn’t negate her interest but rather reflects her desire for stability. Allowing space for uncertainty can be more beneficial than rushing into decisions.

Sometimes, if a woman seems distant, it could be a reaction to something you did unknowingly. If you dismiss anyone who hesitates, you might miss opportunities to learn and grow together. Building a relationship involves mutual exploration, not dictating terms.

If you maintain that every experience must be a "F*ck Yes," you could find yourself perpetually single or living in an unrealistic fantasy. Perceiving someone as perfect can signal an avoidance of reality. Many people love deeply for complex reasons, and shifting blame onto others won’t solve underlying issues.

This mindset allows individuals to evade accountability, making it easier to ghost or disregard valuable connections. The real work of relationships involves facing discomfort and engaging in dialogue.

I find great joy in my work, yet many aspects of my professional life fluctuate between excitement and frustration. Emotions can be intense, and I must ensure that my inner child doesn’t dominate my decisions.

I utilize embodiment practices to develop my emotional maturity, coaching to evolve my thoughts into values, and an understanding of relational dynamics to navigate complex choices. Sometimes, a relationship may feel off, but that doesn’t negate its potential. I possess multiple avenues for decision-making.

I can’t tell my teenagers to leave just because they’re challenging at times; relationships are complicated. Embracing a throwaway mindset can lead to unnecessary harm and missed opportunities to connect with others in meaningful ways.

Did you ever offer love only for it to be taken for granted? Yes, it’s painful, but we must remain open-hearted despite the challenges.

We navigate messy, imperfect lives where scripts don’t exist.

Do you want to improve your relationship skills?

If you’re seeking assistance, I offer coaching and resources for individuals striving to create meaningful relationships at www.christinalanecoaching.com.