# Priorities in Healthcare: The Case for Improved Mammograms
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Chapter 1: The Outdated Mammogram Experience
In a world filled with technological wonders like self-driving cars and drones, it’s baffling that mammograms still feel like a relic from a bygone era. The mammogram is, quite frankly, the Model T of medical technology.
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
I vividly recall my first mammogram. I stood there, pressed against the machine, thinking, “This feels like something out of a horror movie.” Did my small bust size make me a target for medieval torture?
I may often joke about my situation, but the discomfort is very real. I mean, who decided that the only way to check for tumors was to crush my breasts flat like pancakes?
The technician guided me, instructing me to position my arm and shoulder just right, all while I was trying to comprehend that I was expected to hold my breath during the process. Seriously?
Then came the moment of truth. She flipped a switch, and just like that, it was over—until the next round. How it’s possible for my petite frame to cast shadows, I’ll never understand, but it happened. Twice. Each. Ouch.
Can you imagine the uproar if men had to endure a similar test for their health? There would be a line of guys at the bar, using every excuse to avoid a procedure that involves crushing their, well, family jewels.
No doubt, the male equivalent of a mammogram would be conducted in a much more relaxed setting—perhaps a sports bar, complete with beer and football blaring on the screen, without the need for any uncomfortable squeezing.
Despite the discomfort, I keep up with my annual mammograms. Yet, after each one, I often find myself sent for an ultrasound. Apparently, I’m filled with so many fibroids that distinguishing between them is like trying to figure out which marbles are black and which are white, according to my candid gynecologist.
Section 1.1: The Humor in the Process
My favorite moment during this procedure is when the tech enters the room and casually asks if there have been any changes. I lift the sheet, glance down, and quip, “Nope, still as flat as a five-year-old.”
It’s truly puzzling why protecting women's health requires such an invasive process. Isn’t anyone trying to improve this situation?
While it’s slightly more bearable than my first experience, some facilities try to make it feel more luxurious with fluffy robes, bottled water, and soothing music. But let’s be real; this isn’t a day at the spa.
When I want pampering, I’m thinking sea salt pedicures, not being squished in a sterile contraption.
Section 1.2: Finding Joy in Discomfort
Despite the unpleasantness, I’ve turned my mammogram visits into a bit of a ritual. I schedule them for late afternoon, allowing myself to indulge in some retail therapy afterward.
I often opt for fun earrings—nothing extravagant, just something to draw attention away from my less-than-ideal bust line. I’m particularly fond of oversized hoops, which I imagine could double as a hula hoop, if it weren't for the potential hazards.
Afterward, it’s off to enjoy a glass of chardonnay. Whether it’s with friends or simply unwinding at home, I take a moment to express gratitude for my health while also voicing my frustration.
God bless modern innovations like artificial intelligence and self-driving cars, yet the mammogram remains a dinosaur. I’m not asking for anything extravagant—just a little compassion, like shock absorbers to ease the experience.
Chapter 2: Taking Action for Change
In light of all this, I’ve decided to take matters into my own hands. The next time I go for my mammogram, I’ll be recording the experience and sharing it online. If flashing the world is what it takes to spark change, I’m all in.
Let’s rally together! Write to your Congresswoman and the American Medical Association. Advocate for better mammography practices. Together, we can ignite a revolution, compelling the tech whizzes behind Google and Twitter to shift their focus to healthcare.
If this initiative succeeds, it will be the most monumental thing my breasts have ever accomplished. And then I’ll have a delightful dilemma: a medal or a chest to pin it on? Believe it or not, I’m leaning toward the medal.
All of a sudden, I’m craving a new piece of jewelry.
An Incident in “Intimates”
All I wanted was a little extra support.
Taking My Lumps
Dear God, am I facing a health crisis, and you have to ruin my hairstyle too?
Dear Breast Stories Writers and Readers,
We are all deserving of better healthcare.
