Finding Freedom Through Acceptance: Overcoming Aversion
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Chapter 1: Understanding Aversion and Its Impact
In my journey prior to entering the field of recruitment, I spent time in a laboratory conducting medical tests. While it may seem intriguing on the surface, the reality was quite different. The work felt monotonous, devoid of excitement, and my sole aim was to meticulously follow established protocols. Even though I was aware that my efforts contributed to helping others, the thrill faded quickly after repetitive tasks, such as pouring 200kg of bicarbonate into a 6000L tank.
From my first day in such roles after university, I realized they weren't the right fit for me. However, I struggled to identify my next steps or career direction. It would have been easy to harbor resentment towards my daily work routine. I felt neither joy nor fulfillment, but complaining wouldn't solve my situation. Financial constraints made it impossible to change careers, and I lacked clarity on what path I wanted to pursue.
Thus, I had to embrace my current circumstances—not in a way of giving up, but rather in an understanding that I couldn't change my situation at that moment. This radical acceptance spared me from prolonged unnecessary distress. While I didn’t enjoy the work, I refrained from cursing it; doing so would only dampen my own spirits.
According to the Buddha, the three main sources of suffering are Greed, Hate, and Delusion. The saying "Desire is the root of all suffering" rings true, but it’s essential to acknowledge that aversion also plays a significant role.
The first video titled "The Roots of Suffering: Greed, Aversion, and Delusion - Phillip Moffitt" delves deeper into these concepts, exploring the intertwining nature of desire and suffering.
Section 1.1: The Nature of Aversion
Examining the Buddha's Three Defilements—Greed, Hate, and Delusion—reveals a commonality: they all disregard our present reality. Greed manifests as an insatiable desire for more than we currently possess; it breeds the mindset of "I lack this, hence I must obtain it," driving us to pursue endless goals in hopes of filling the void in our current experience.
Delusion, on the other hand, represents an escape from our realities. It's the blindness to red flags in relationships or situations, where we make excuses instead of confronting the truth. Lastly, aversion involves a rejection of the present, manifesting as frustration, sadness, or anger towards our own circumstances or those of others. This is the antithesis of acceptance; it's a form of denial.
When we dismiss our realities, we disconnect from the present moment. I observed colleagues who entered the workplace already disgruntled, lamenting their tasks and expressing disdain for their jobs. While their discontent was valid, the contrast between those who embraced their circumstances and those who lived in aversion was stark. The latter faced a much tougher daily experience, continually amplifying their own suffering.
In relinquishing my aversion and embracing acceptance, I didn’t magically find my work enjoyable; I still found it tedious. However, I chose not to fuel my internal discontent. By accepting my reality, I was able to seek a way out.
Subsection 1.1.1: The Mental Toll of Aversion
Our brains are energy-intensive organs, consuming about 20% of our daily energy. This energy supports countless functions, including our thought processes. The nature of our thoughts significantly impacts this energy expenditure. For instance:
- Is there stress associated with the thought?
- How much cognitive load are we carrying?
- Are we stuck in cycles of rumination or anxiety?
- Are we engaged in daydreaming?
Living in a state of aversion creates a continuous cycle of stress. Resenting our daily experiences is inherently draining and counterproductive. Individuals grappling with depression or anxiety often feel exhausted even when they are physically inactive, as their minds are in constant overdrive.
Moreover, the implications of aversive thinking extend beyond energy levels; they also affect our emotional well-being. Although I didn’t suddenly develop a passion for my job after letting go of my resistance, I did feel a weight lift. I wasn’t ecstatic, but I was more at peace with my circumstances.
Meanwhile, colleagues who arrived at work already stressed tended to amplify their anxiety as complications arose. Stress exists on a spectrum, from acute to chronic, and living in aversion means starting each day with a half-full stress tank. Consequently, daily responsibilities become burdensome, moods decline, and we find ourselves struggling to escape the emotional pit we've created.
Chapter 2: Embracing Acceptance
The second video, "Is Desire the Root of Suffering?" further examines how desire intertwines with acceptance and aversion in our lives.
To cultivate acceptance, I've adopted a mindset that goes something like this: "If I dislike it but can't change it, resisting it serves no purpose." This doesn’t apply universally; certain injustices demand action and resistance. However, in the everyday struggles—like an unsatisfactory job that we can't leave immediately—acceptance becomes crucial.
Practicing acceptance requires us to confront our reality as it stands, which can be uncomfortable, especially when dealing with aversion. Nonetheless, acknowledging what we don’t want can motivate us to change our circumstances. The key is not to live THROUGH aversion, as that hinders both acceptance and the quest for change.
For me, it was vital to recognize my dislike for my job while committing to not wallowing in negativity. Acceptance frees our minds to focus on constructive thoughts, such as exploring potential paths forward or simply being present in the moment. When we detach from the narratives we create about our realities, we discover a sense of peace.
Practicing mindfulness meditation helped me develop the ability to separate from my thoughts and immerse myself in the present. This is an approach anyone can adopt. Acceptance means acknowledging that resisting a situation we can’t change immediately is futile. Such resistance clouds our minds, drains our energy, and dampens our spirits.
It's entirely possible to accept a situation without fully embracing it. You can acknowledge your current circumstances while simultaneously seeking improvement. Personally, I channeled my energy into writing my blog, which provided the fulfillment my job lacked. Had I been mired in aversion, I doubt I would have found the motivation to write. So, utilize your time wisely and be mindful of the thoughts you engage with, as they can be costly.
Ultimately, aversion—not just desire—can lead to suffering. Thank you for taking the time to read this article. If you found it valuable, please share your appreciation by giving it a few claps and follow Above The Middle for more insightful content.
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